Forgiveness is the path to freedom. Holding onto hate will only enslave you.

I have heard from so many people about their horrid tales of being bullied when they were young. There is no doubt that being bullied is incredibly damaging. This person has been so cruel to you that you can’t imagine being comfortable around them. This fear has led to an anger – an anger against a person who took away your safety, made you feel less than normal, and tormented you for the sheer fun of of it. You don’t even know how you made it through such a difficult time. But you did. And somehow it’s the next year or years and you are no longer the victim – the target. Yet, you are left with an indelible mark – a dark, hateful mark. You are left with a hate which resides in you, eating you up inside.

So, what are the choices? Do you just unremember every single awful moment that you went through at the hands of this bully? Or, can you find a way to forgive them, to think about them in a different way? To reframe, as it were. Well, that’s all nice and good but first you have to face it all over again by reflecting, feeling and probably crying a bit. Then you can work on letting the nightmare go. It’s time to realize that somehow you were the target and that it sucked but you got through it and that it needn’t shape your identity today. You never deserved to feel unsafe.

I suggest sitting with yourself for a bit, closing your eyes and thinking back to some of the most painful moments. In safety, now, you can relive them, feel the emotions they bring up and then forgive yourself for letting that happen to you. Next, work on forgiving that bully. Really imagine shaking their hand and letting them know that you forgive them. Comfort your younger self throughout this process. Imagine hugging them. Feel it all! Take your time breathing and writing to help get you pass through to the other side – the side of forgiveness and letting go. It always helps to have a friend or a therapist help you. Once you have processed the pain then you can move on.

Now it is time to build you back up. You can list all of the fantastic things that you are, and say and do. How people love you. You can decide that you deserve to be happy now with who you are. Now is as good a time as any to let go of that fucking bully.

Whatever you do, forgive the bully of their sins and let go!

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