This blog is for anyone, young or older, who is being mistreated. Let’s get right to it and first determine if the person who is mistreating you can actually be labeled a bully.
Is there an imbalance of power between the two of you?
Does the person use their power to make you feel weak or less than?
Are you being harassed quite frequently?
Then yes, you are being bullied.
At this point you can either do something about it and totally shift the dynamic or, you can just keep things status quo. Up to you. I suggest we try a few different things to see if we can’t get rid of this little problem sooner than later.
First, every morning you must do some form of breathing exercise while standing super tall and grounded in mountain pose (imagine you are a mountain). Just for a few mindful minutes, stand there, eyes closed and decide that you are powerful and in charge of the kind of day you will have. Then lift your arms over your head for a minute or so, imagine light coming your way, welcome a shift in energy and start your day.
Please understand that you do NOT deserve to be treated this way. You have to believe this but I give you permission to fake some self-confidence until you accept it. I assure you that if you are hurting because of another person you can make it stop. You will love you for it!
You can try a few different strategies to get rid of this bully.
When you approach one another, just brace yourself and don’t hold onto past encounters. Let something new happen. As soon as they say something rude to you, stand tall, hands on hips with a perplexed look on your face (but subtle!) and just say, “really?” or “Please stop” or anything else that is simple yet has you standing up for yourself in a calm way.
If they start in on you, looking for a rise, then just keep breathing and looking at them to let them know with your eyes and body language, that you will not accept this abuse. Until they can speak to you with respect they do not deserve your time, or your words. Remember, you have a choice – you do not have to jump into their negative energy bubble.
If that doesn’t get you results then you can confront them and just ask them why they’re doing what they’re doing to you. Does putting you down really make them feel good? Wait for their answer and really listen to them. Be calm. Keep telling the truth about how you simply do not deserve this treatment, nor will you accept it anymore.
If they get physical then stand your ground and stand tall. At this point you have some choices – you can hit them back, and while I don’t encourage violence (sometimes it can be effective) or you can walk away and go to an authority figure. Regardless, you must report the incident (and that includes online incidents). Nobody should be physically harmed, not even you. You never deserve to be hit, pushed, slandered, threatened or mistreated!
There is the option, at this point, to do what you can to remove this person from your work or school/class. This can be difficult but it may be an option for you.
The worst case scenario involves taking yourself out of the equation. Leave that class, school or job because life is too short to feel bad all the time.
You already know what it means to be kind. They are losing out if they haven’t figured that out but some people are damaged, and/or traumatized so they act out and can’t seem to be nice. But you can be compassionate with yourself and can leave that situation (if possible). If you can’t, then do your daily breathing and affirmations and try to rid yourself of the fear you feel around this person.
Good luck! Contact me if you have any questions at all or are wondering about the way you are being treated.
Podcast, Unbullying coming soon where I’ll be wanting some guests to share their stories on air with me, so please share or reply or call so that I can get ready to help on a larger scale!